The Restaurant
by TheTundraTopper
Summary: The RED team is fired, but they still want to do things together. Their plan? A restaurant of course!
1. Fired

The whole of RED team was gathered within the Administrator's office, beads of sweat falling from their faces, shaking and twiddling their thumbs with nervousness.

After about a minute or two of silence, the Administrator turned to face the terrified team with a weak grin on her face.  
"...You are all being relieved from your position as mercenaries for more qualified men." The Administrator stated with disdain in her face.

A brief moment of silence and tranquility passed about the room as the mercenaries looked around at each other, when suddenly, one decided to speak up.

"OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA BE H-H-HOMELESS AND HAVE NO MONEY!", The scout screeched upon the thought of the Administrator leaving out their pay.

"You will all be receiving your pay. You have until tomorrow morning to pack up and leave." The Administrator said with a disappointed look on her face.  
"Now please, exit my office." The men nodded and exited the building, the door being slammed shut behind them.

The men started gathering inside of Sniper's van as they prepared to leave, the Scout almost being left behind making rude gestures towards the formidable building.

* * *

The team arrived at the base, quickly scrambling inside to find their belongings... except for Sniper. He hung by his van laughing at the team for being such pack rats.

Meanwhile, inside the base, the team was making a mess trying to find their belongings, the Soldier flipped three couches, the Scout tore his room apart, the Pyro burning everything in sight in anger, and more disorderly shenanigans.

By the time evening struck, most of the mercenaries were tired out and had given up. Instead, they had decided to plan what they were going to do when they left the base.  
"Alright gentleman. I believe each of us has chosen an idea. Correct?", The spy questioned to his teammates(Engineer, Pyro, Scout, Soldier, and Demoman), receiving a collective nod.

"Alright, Demoman, go ahead.", the Spy said to Demoman, who spat out an assortment of incoherent words. Spy shook his head and called to Pyro, who talked of an amusement park, which gained some support from Scout but was quickly shut down by the other mercs.

"Scout?" At the sound of his name, he perked up and began to talk about his weird plans with a school locker room, quickly being shut down by the others. Before Spy could call the Engineer up, the Soldier stood up, stood straight, chest out, and talked about how they should all join the 'REAL' military and support 'murica!

The team almost considered taking this as their final decision, when the Spy motioned for the Engineer to give his idea.  
"Ahem." The Engineer began to roll out his blueprint, showing a construction of a restaurant. "So, the plan is that all of us start our own restaurant. With all our skills, we could make the best food in the world!"

The team looked around for a moment, but nodded to the idea. And with that, the team knew they had to do it. The Spy announced, "All in favor of the restaurant, raise your hand." Almost all of them raised their hands, except for the Scout who was upset he couldn't be creepy as he used to be.

"Well gentleman, let's tell the bushman and others about our decision." The group nodded in agreement and went off to tell the Medic, Heavy, and Sniper about what they decided. The Engineer made his way to the medical bay. He opened the door and walked in. To his surprise, he saw the Heavy and Medic arguing why they should've won chess.

The moment the Medic and Heavy saw the Engineer out of the corner of their eyes, they stopped arguing and greeted him.  
"Hallo Engineer! Me and ze Heavy are playing chess, so if you need medical attention get to me later!" the Medic said, dismissing the Engineer's appearance.

The Engineer sighed at their silliness and began to explain what was actually going on. "Me and the boys have decided what we wanna do after we leaved this damned place." The Medic and Heavy stared curiously to hear what he had to say. "Well, we have decided to build a restaurant! I came here to ask y'all if you wanted to come with us."

The Heavy's face brightened up at the thought of making his homemade delights. "Da! Leetle man has good idea! Heavy is in!" The Engineer smiled, looked towards the Medic and asked him if he wanted to join in too, excited when the Medic accepted his offer.

Meanwhile, outside of the base, the rest of the group was trying to get Sniper to answer his 'door'. "Guys, we should just give up..you know him, he's such a camper." The Scout said in defeat. The moment Soldier heard what Scout said, he had become riled up and infuriated.

"YOU MAGGOTS DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET A MAN'S ATTENTION. YOU ARE ALL **WEAK**! YOU ARE ALL **BLEEDERS**! I WILL _**BREAK**_ THIS DOOR DOWN WITH THIS LAUNCHER IF I HAVE TO!"

Sniper immediately tensed up, knowing something bad would happen if he didn't come out. He hopped up on his feet and got to the door as quickly as possible and broke his own door down, almost terrified to see the Soldier standing there with his rocket launcher aimed at the Van. He let out a quick sigh of relief, before addressing the current situation.

"What the bloody hell just happened?" Everyone turned to look for the soldier, who seemed to have disappeared. "Mmphh, mmph mmph-mmph tmmph tmmph ymmph.", The pyro returned.  
"Oh, well then, guess I'll join your bloody cafe." The group cheered triumphantly and went back inside to continue packing.

* * *

The next morning, the mercs were loudly awoken by the booming voice of the Administrator on the loudspeaker telling them to move out. They all jumped out of bed, got dressed, grabbed their suitcases and ran out to throw all of their stuff on Sniper's van.

It was a mere twenty minutes before all that was left of the mercenaries at the base was a melted bar of chocolate that had Scouts name on it and a broken wrangler. Now, the mercenaries were off on their quest to build... **The Restaurant**.


	2. Buildin'

The dusty road seemed to go on forever, the same landmarks appearing to have passed multiple times. The team was tired, almost willing to stop and take a rest. That was, until, the Sniper noticed a silhouette of the city forming and became ecstatic.

"MATES! WE'RE 'ERE! WE'VE REACHED ARLINGTON!" , Sniper yelled to his team enthusiastically. As if by magic, the team sprung to life cheering and passing compliments around. In just a moment, the Sniper had questions. Why were they going to Texas? Why this town in particular? He shook away those questions when the Engineer was yelling at him to park.

"This is it boys! This is where we're buildin'." the Engineer exclaimed. The Sniper parked the van and stepped out along with the rest of the mercenaries. The team felt a little dazed as they looked upon the lot. There was...nothing.

"Do you even own this land?", the Spy questioned. The Engineer was a little slow to answer, but he pulled the building permits out of his pocket and showed them off.

"I've been wanting to build this place since before I was in RED. And now we have millions for funding!" the Engineer excitedly exclaimed. "Let's start building boys." the Engineer said.

Heavy looked about the lot, and asked,"Where does team get materials?" The Engineer smirked and pulled out a gray pad with a red button on it. The Engineer pressed the button, and a nearby carrier opened, filled with construction materials and construction vehicles.

The team gazed in awe, amazed at how he managed to buy such expensive things before he came to RED. The Engineer broke the team's silence with a question, "Let's start building, shall we?" The team shouted words of agreement, and started building according to Engie's plan.

This simple task of building turned out not to be such an easy task. The Engineer told all the mercs which materials to grab and where to put them, however the team was heavily unorganized, placing materials in places before they were intended to. The Engineer could feel himself becoming angrier and found himself losing patience.

"Dag nabbit! ENOUGH! Y'all are so unorganized! Follow my simple instructions and y'alls won't be messin' things up." the Engineer exclaimed, the anger visible in his voice. The Engineer walked back over to his blueprint and took a deep breath, trying to relieve the stress of guiding an entire team of idiots.

He took one more deep breath, and spoke. "Three of you will currently be constructing the floor and connecting the piping. After that, you will help your teammates with the walls. The other five of y'all will work on constructing the walls, one at a time of course. Now, get into your groups. I'll be giving instructions."

The mercenaries quickly organized into the two groups, both reflecting the job they would be performing. The Scout, the Spy, and the Medic would be constructing the floorboards and piping for quick movement.

The rest of the mercs would work on the walls, as they can lift more and would be much more gentle. After the mercenaries got into their groups, they were quickly dispatched to start building with the instructions of the Engineer. Scout ran from and to the carrier, gathering the materials his group needed while the Spy and Medic built. They were kind of tired, but their job paled in comparison to what the other group was doing.

Demoman and Heavy lifted the Heavy materials and placed them down, holding them in place for the smaller classes to affix to the build. Needless to say, they messed up a few times, dropping their materials and yelling at each other, but they still got the job done. Within half an hour, the team had built what appeared to be a large rectangular crate design, giving a sigh of relief when they were done.

But they weren't done, just taking a short break. The Engineer pulled out his chair and sat down to relax. The rest of the team sat under the shade of the 'box'. This whole project was tiring and this break was well deserved. Or was it? No pain no gain! He had to continue, he was just delaying and making the project longer.

He quickly hopped out of his chair and yelled for the team to come over with him. His team got up off the ground, their faces irritated at what the Engineer had said. Despite that, they still went over to see what that stupid Engineer wanted.  
"MAGGOT! Why did you call us here, toymaker?!" the Soldier yelled, the anger visible in his voice. "Well, we gotta work harder. We ain't gonna finish at this rate." the Engineer responded.

The Soldier yelled and spit in his face, "NO! AMERICA IS THE LAND OF FREEDOM!" As much as he hated to admit it, Soldier was right. With a deep sigh, the Engineer spoke. "Solly is right. We should check into a motel and such."

* * *

Finding a good non-infested motel was like a nightmare. The Engineer figured they should all hang at his house for a while, and the team agreed. As they walked out of the motel, the Sniper passed him the keys and told him to not touch anything upfront or he would 'have his head'.

The road to the Engie's house was bumpy and dangerous, a thrill the Texan had missed ever since he left to join RED team. Unfortunately for Sniper and the rest of the team, they were extremely uncomfortable in the back, something they'd just have to deal with.

In only a minute, things went wrong.  
"MON DIEU!" the Spy exclaimed as a Kukri fell and stabbed his hand. The team was panicking in the back while the Engie was having the time of his life. Knives and other objects were falling in the back from all the shaking, causing one of the most terrifying car rides they had ever experienced.

Only as the Engineer began to near the house, he questioned how his teammates were. "Y'all good? I heard quite a bit of screaming back there.." then, the Engineer looked back to see the situation. Knives and other equipment everywhere, screaming, and blood. "Hmm, y'all seem alright."

Once they arrived at the house, the Engineer stepped out, and the rest of his team poured out thanking the gods they survived. "Dummkopf! Look at how many injuries I have to tend to!" The Medic said, directing his anger at the Engineer, then picking up his medigun and healing his teammates.

Spy took notice at the architecture of the house, admiring how beautiful it was. Two stories, a white faded white paint job among bricks with a red shingled roof, fit with a chimney. "Quite zhe contrast to zhe path coming here..." The Engineer nodded in agreement, and opened the door to his house, watching as his teammates rushed inside of the spacious house, then entering himself.

Only one of his teammates stayed back, trying to reorganize his collection of items again.  
"Bloody Bogans.." the Sniper muttered to himself.

Meanwhile, inside the house, the group was getting comfortable watching TV, reading books, playing board games, and more. The Engineer was upstairs in his room, reading about exotic places, thinking about all the adventures they could have together, as a Engineer eventually grew tired, and fell asleep, awaiting the next day.

* * *

Morning came and the sun shined on the team's faces, awaking them from their peaceful sleep. The Soldier bolted straight up and ran room to room, screaming to awaken his teammates. Within half an hour, the team was completely awake and ready to work.

They all piled into the van, happy that the Sniper had placed his items elsewhere in the van.  
Fortunately, the road back from Engie's house wasn't that rocky, and they were eventually back at the construction site.

This time, they would be filling the skeleton that would make the walls and would be adding windows, doors, plaster, bricks, and paint. Once again, they got into groups, only this time, they were all one big group. At first, they thought it would be simple, but it turned out to be much more challenging than they thought.

Once again, the Scout went to grab the supplies, surprised to find that the materials were incredibly heavy. He yelled out for help, and the Heavy came to his aid, only laughing under his breath about how stupid Scout was. Once the supplies were at their disposal, the team was shocked with their construction jobs. Demoman would be dealing with cementing the bricks and placing them along with Heavy.

The Medic, Spy, and Pyro would be working with the windows and helping with coating the paint upon the bricks. The Soldier and Sniper would be constructing the roof and walls, and the Scout would sand the wood of the floorboards and constructing the furniture. They all protested, but the Engineer insisted that they should go along with it.

What would the Engineer do? Well, he would instruct them as always and help them when they didn't know what to do. The Engineer yelled their tasks and what they needed to do. The Scout started sanding the floorboards and building his furniture whilst the Medic, Spy, and Pyro placed the windows into place. The Scout had a bit of trouble building his furniture, questioning the Engineer if he made it right. The Engineer shook his head and showed him how to actually build, and the Scout thanked him enthusiastically.

After about an hour, the currently working mercenaries were finished with their current task, and the other mercs were brought in. Heavy and Demo had a relatively easy time, just coating cement and placing bricks and so forth, whilst the Soldier and Sniper constructed the roof and ceiling in a relatively quick time. In just under an hour, they were all done. Well, not really. They just had to paint the rest of it, but that was an easy task. Eventually, the establishment was finished.

The building was coated with white paint and a red stripe across the whole building, and a red roof. The Engineer chuckled at his work, glad and amazed at how his team had completed the building within two days. The team gazed upon the building and called it a day, then crammed themselves into Sniper's van, ready to head to the house. Tomorrow would be a good day.

Tomorrow would be ... **The Opening**.


	3. The Opening

_**-Author's Note-**_  
 _Thank y'all so much for_ _favoriting_ _and reviewing_ _this story! Please leave a review to let me know what I can do better, it'd be appreciated. Also, I'll try to push more chapters out. I also tried to take a different approach to this chapter, so let me know what you think of it. Also, sorry for the short chapter. I was rushing a little bit, but I hope to make the next one a bit longer._

* * *

The next day came about, the mercenaries groaning at the sun in their eyes. Nonetheless, they were excited. It was **Opening Day** , and they were going to make the most of it. They got up on their feet, got dressed, and ran to the van, disappearing from the house in minutes.

They arrived at the site of their restaurant, admiring their fine work, when questions came to mind. "Wait, ve're opening today? We haven't even chozen vhat food we vill make!" The Medic stated. The Engineer felt his heart skip a beat. How could he overlook this?

"Also, vhat is zhe name of the restaurant?" The Medic added. The Engineer almost passed out, but got back up to think. "Engineer's Diner!' the Engineer stated. The team frowned with his ego, and immediately spout out a new name. "Red's Diner!" They proudly shouted in unison.

The Engineer reluctantly agreed, but focused on the other question. "What kind of food do y'all want to make anyways?" The team stood still, their minds hard at work for a moment or two. "Everythin'!" The Scout shouted.

Everyone looked at him, slightly surprised the runner had said something useful, but nodded in agreement. "Well boys, I'll work on making the sign while y'all get the ingredients we need." The team shouted in agreement and ran towards the van, disappearing on the road to the store.

The team hopped out of the van, rushing towards the store front without any thought of what people would think of a group of men rushing into a store wearing the same colors would look like. The team almost all crashed into each other when a Security member stopped them in their tracks.

"What are you men doing here? Why were you running in?" The Security guard questioned. "We were getting food, Security leave now, da?" the Heavy responded. "I guess so- WAIT, ARE THOSE B-B-BOMBS ON YOUR CHEST!? The Security guard screamed pointing at Demoman's vest.

The Security officer whisperer into his receiver and in seconds, alarms went off, people scrambled out and the doors locked. " **SHIT**! RUN GUYS!" Scout shouted, his team abiding and running off into the isles.

Meanwhile, at The Restaurant…"I wonder what's takin' the boys so long? They best not have gotten themselves into trouble.." Unfortunately for Engie, that's exactly what happened.

It was so bad in fact, that the FBI showed up. "So, why were you men carrying bombs? If these are not live firearms, we can let you go, but if these are live and/or real, then we're going to have to detain you."

The team was panicking, trying to think of something to say to get them out of there, when the Spy spoke. "Have you fine gentlemen ever heard of TF Industries?" The men looked around at each other, confused by what he said, when the Spy pulled a 'real' revolver.

The men immediately shot him, ready to take the rest of the team with them, when they suddenly felt a sharp pain in their backs. "Spy!" the team shouted in relief. "Did you really think I was gone?" the Spy said, placing the Dead Ringer back in his pocket. The Spy then proceeded to untie the rest of his team, then put on a disguise of the FBI interrogators.

"Wait here gentlemen." The Spy(cloaked as the interrogator) walked out, talking to the Store Security, convincing them nothing was wrong, and walked back to release the rest of his team.

Once they were out, Spy scolded the Demoman for not being careful, who surprisingly gave a coherent response. "Ye don't know how many clothes I've lost! This is me only pair, I didn't mean to cause trouble!"

The Spy shook his head upon the sight of the foolish man, and told everyone to get the food they wanted. The team wandered about the isles, grabbing everything in sight, knowing their deadline was drawing near.

The team ran to a nearby register, throwing thousand's of dollars of food onto the counter, the store employee shaking their head upon the sight of the food.

"That'll be $3180." The employee said, then receiving a stack of cash from the Spy. "Alright, have a good day!" the employee said, waving over to the team who were walking out of the store.

"Yo Spy, that thing ya did was so cool! You pulled out a fake revolver, disappeared, and went 'stab stab'!"  
"Shut up Scout, our lives were in danger. If it weren't for this mumbling idiot, we wouldn't have been confronted." The Spy said in response to the Scout.

"Our lives were in danger, dur-hur-hur!" the Scout said, mocking the Spy. "Shut up you idiot!" The Spy shouted, pulling his knife on the Scout. "Okay, okay.." they shoved themselves into the van, and were off to The Restaurant.

The ride was quiet, the team not bothering to speak up over fear of the Spy. The Engineer attached his sign to the building, admiring his work of art. "Life of Reilly", the Engineer said, climbing off of his ladder and sitting down.

"Oh, the boys are back." the Engineer said, looking into the distance at the silhouette of the van in the dust. In just a minute, the van parked, and the team scrambled out. "You would **not** believe what happened at the store!" The Scout shouted with enthusiasm.

"Something stupid, I'm guessin'. What took y'all so long to show up? There's only 30 minutes until our diner is open, and people will start showin' up in 10 minutes!"

The Scout twiddled his thumbs, then told what happened. "Wellll, we ran in to get food and then the store security saw Demoman's bombs and then they took us in and then the FBI showed up and then-"

"Enough boy. Y'all always get yourselves into these things. Now, get in there and set up! We're running out of time!" the team ran in without batting an eye and started setting up all kinds of foods.

* * *

The Pyro stopped setting up his food, and looked outside, surprised to see dozens of people. "Mmphs, mmph mmph!" the Pyro said, everyone looking outside met with delighted faces. "At least we finished, lads." The team looked at him in agreement, then looked to the door to see people coming inside.

The Soldier ran over to the cash register, addressing each person who came to. "Hello **MAGGOTS**! What do you want?!' "I'm here to eat with the rest of my family..." the first customer replied. "DO THEY LIVE IN A **BOX**?!" "No..asshole.." The customer replied, walking away with his family.

The Engineer ran up to the Soldier, who was just about to turn another customer away. "What are ya doin', dummy?! Are you trying to **ruin** mah dream?" The Soldier looked at the Engie with a stern face, then walked away with his head down. The Engineer smiled, then left to greet the customers.

* * *

The end of the day was nearing, the Engineer counting the cash they had earned that day. "3141, 3142.." The Engineer looked to the clock on the wall, noticing that the restaurant was closed at the time.

"Well boys-" The Engineer looked around, surprised to see that everyone was gone. "Well damn." the Engineer said, closing his shop and trekking his way back home. Maybe they'd become a huge restaurant chain. Whatever would happen, tomorrow would be a **PayDay**.


	4. PayDay

**_-Author's Note-  
_** _Howdy! Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, I've been pretty lazy. Hope y'all like this one!  
Make sure to leave a review to let me know what you think of it! Also, I've been trying to put more character..into the characters. Hope you like it!_

* * *

The Engineer collapsed on the doorstep, tired from his trek home. "Doc!" The Engineer yelled faintly, before his mind spiraled into darkness. The Engineer awoke on his bed, his goggles gone and hardhat put away. "Ve almost thought zhat you vere dead, but zhen ve all saw zhat cash!" The Medic said, catching the Engineer off guard.

"Wait, y'all left me behind!" The Engineer said, disappointed with his team. "Uhh, we thought ya would sleep there 'cause you restaurants owners don't wanna lose cash!" The Scout responded, " Now that's just stupid..." The Engineer said in response. The Engineer hopped out of the bed, got into uniform, and gathered everyone to the living room.

"Alright, today I'm expecting about twice the amount of money we got last time..if we work more efficiently than we did last time. Y'all were herdin' like cows! Anyways, it's around time to go, so let's head out." The Engineer said, watching his teammates quickly scramble to find their uniforms.

"Oi mates! Hop in!" The Sniper yelled from his van, suddenly overwhelmed with all the pushing and shoving to get inside. Sniper stepped on the gas, and they were off in seconds.

* * *

The team hopped out of the van, shocked at what met their eyes. "MAH RESTAURANT!" The Engineer yelled, crouching whilst looking upon the opened door. "Get yer guns. We might have an intruder." The team nodded and went to the van to grab their weapons. The Engineer entered the doorway and cocked his shotgun and looked upon his surroundings.

"Nobody here?" The Engineer whispered under his breath, then turning to activate the lights. _Tap,Tap_. The Engineer turned around, almost falling over upon what he saw. A burly man wearing a slouch and booty shorts faced him, laughing at the Engineer for being so shocked.

"Saxton Hale?" The Engineer asked in confusion to the burly man. "Yup! And I'm here to see if you wanted to be my employees. I want to make this a chain of restaurants! I see success in you boys." Saxton replied. The team entered, noting the Engineer talking to Saxton. "We'd only be employees, yeah? We need to get special business roles. I don't want my team losing out on such an opportunity."

"Certainly! Just sign this paper here, Mr. Conagher!", Saxton said enthusiastically. The Engineer took a pen out from his pocket, ready to sign. Before his pen could meet the paper, the Spy stopped him. "Idiot. Do you not read every contract you sign? It says here that all ownership and money would go to Mr. Hale here."

The Engineer, listening to Spy, looked at the contract he was about to sign. The Engineer smiled. "Mr. Hale, I suggest you get your ass outta my shop before me and mah boys have ta shoot ya." Saxton frowned and turned away. "I'll get you sometime!" Saxton said, running into the distance.

The team stood around in silence, before engineer perked up to talk. "What are you sorry excuses for employees doing standin' around? We have business to do, get in that kitchen!" The Engineer said, then looking to his watch. "WE HAVE 5 MINUTES UNTIL THE RESTAURANT OPENS, HURRY!"

* * *

The Scout stood outside, holding a sign pointing to the restaurant. "Come ta Red's Diner! We gots foods of all kinds!" The Scout kept saying enthusiastically, realizing the only people coming didn't come because of the sign. The Scout sighed, and sat down. " _What if I went downtown to put some ads in tha paper?_ " The Scout thought, running inside to look for the keys.

"Hmmph Scmmph!" The Pyro said, greeting Scout. "Hey Pyro. Do ya know where Snipah's keys are?" The Scout asked Pyro. "Ymmph, thmh ommph thmmph." Pyro responded. "Thanks" Scout said, grabbing the keys and running out to the van.

Despite the Scout not knowing how to drive, he plugged the keys into the ignition with confidence and held a grin on his face. "Hey Engie, I'm gonna go git some stuff from mah van." The Sniper said to the Engie, the Engineer then giving him approval to do so.

"Wot the.." the Sniper said, noticing that his van was driving off and his keys were gone. The Sniper ran outside to ask Scout what happened, then noticed that Scout was gone. "AHH!" Sniper screamed while running inside, gathering attention from customers.

"Goys, someone stole moi van and kidnapped Scout!" The Sniper yelled, not noticing how ridiculous it sounded. "Vhy don't you azk Pyyyro? He's in zhe staff room eating and **watching** your keys." Medic jokingly said, scoffing at what Sniper said. The Sniper thanked Medic and ran into the staff room.

"PYRO, WHAT HAPPENED TO THA KEYS?!" Sniper yelled at Pyro, who was playing with his lighter. "Hmmph tmmph ymmph vmmmph." Sniper's brows furled and his distress turned into anger. "That twitchy little hooligan won't know what hit him." Sniper said, anger visible in his voice.

* * *

"Yeah, I want two ads in tha paper! " Scout said, showing the advertiser a Polaroid picture of the restaurant. "Mhm..how many ads do you want, sir?" The advertiser questioned. "How much will 100$ get me?" The advertiser pulled out a paper, calculating the amount. "83 ads."

"Great, here's the picture and here's the money." Scout said, putting 100$ on the table and leaving. "Looks like a neat place, maybe I should go there sometime.." the advertiser said as Scout left the room. "One place down, another to go! Maybe I'll get a billboard this time.." Scout said as he hopped into the van.

Meanwhile, Sniper wandered the streets, looking for the police station so they could help him. He looked everywhere with no luck. " _Eh, moight as well get a newspaper to cheer me up._ " Sniper thought to himself as he walked up to a small newspaper stand. "One newspaper please." Sniper said, handing the man 50 cents.

"Hmm, let's see… 'New Restaurant opens'...'Come down to Red's Diner'...a picture of Red's Diner with the caption 'the best place to eat'.." The Sniper read, realizing something odd. "All of these are for tha diner! Bloody mongrel must've purchased some ads!" At that realization, the Sniper had an idea. The Sniper turned around and questioned the stand owner. "Ya see these ads? These ads are all for a bloody restaurant and I need to know what truck brought these 'ere." Sniper said to the man.

"Yeah, the truck is still here. They're in that ally-way, and they're delivering more newspapers!" The stand owner said. Sniper thanked him, and ran into the ally-way behind the truck. " _Okay, rush in, ask them to hitch hike on their truck and find Scout._ " Sniper thought to himself. To his surprise, the truck started moving, and he had to think fast.

Sniper grabbed onto a bar on the back of the truck and wished himself luck. This was going to be a bumpy ride. Meanwhile, Scout drove recklessly through the traffic as he made his way to another billboard advertising agency. The Scout grinned as he saw an opening in traffic, and dangerously made his way through live traffic.

"WOO! I'm not even winded!" The Scout yelled, parking the van at a curb near the agency, hopped out, and ran into the building. He prepared his 'amazing' skills for this meeting. He was gonna get some cash.

Sniper screamed while he held onto the back of the truck, his legs waving in the air and one arm holding on. His hand started to slip, the Sniper rethinking his choices, when the truck topped, and he slammed into the back. "OOF!" Sniper said, falling off of the truck in pain.

Sniper glanced at the workers who approached him, quickly standing up and running inside of the building. "Hello sir, please take a seat. If you would like to get an advertisement in the paper please wait in line." a secretary said to Sniper as he entered.

"Hello Ma'am, have ya seen a thin kid walk in? He was wearing a gray shirt and brown pants." Sniper asked the secretary, who responded with a "yes". "Where did he go?" Sniper questioned. "He boasted about getting a billboard and making 'lot's of money'." the secretary replied.

The Sniper said "thanks" and left to find a car. The Sniper looked around the street, and spotted a taxi. "TAXI, TAXI!" Sniper yelled. The taxi came up to him, and he addressed the current situation. "So, mah friend left to get a billboard and I need to get to him. Can you take me to the nearest billboard agency?" The Sniper asked, pleased that the man said yes.

* * *

"AAAAAAND, that's why I need this ad to be put up." The Scout said, showing them what the restaurant did. The advertisers looked around at each other, before coming to a collective yes. "That'll be 43.20$." The advertisers said, the Scout quickly placing a stack of cash on the table.

"Thanks, you guys are cool!" The Scout said whilst leaving the room. The Sniper walked into the agency, and looked around for Scout. He would come out anytime. Scout greeted Sniper "Hey Sniper!' , leaving Sniper shocked and angry. "Come 'ere you mongrel!" Sniper said, yanking on Scout's shirt and taking him outside.

"What the hell man?" Scout said, confused by Sniper's actions. "YOU TOOK MOI VAN!" Sniper screamed into Scout's face. "Chill dude! I was advertising the restaurant, we'll get way more money now!" Scout said, terrified by Sniper.

Sniper let go of Scout's shirt and let out a deep sigh. "Sorry Scout. Let's go back to the restaurant.' Sniper said. The two of them hopped into the van, and went off to the restaurant. Once they arrived, the Engineer had some questions for them.

"Boy's, where y'all been? Our other meals 'ave been unavailable 'cause y'all ain't here." The Engineer said, calling out Sniper and Scout on their absence. "We were puttin' up advertisements! We're gonna get loads of people!" Scout said enthusiastically.

The Engineer's face brightened up, and he smiled. "Y'all got me new customers!" The Engineer turned, pulled a stack of cash out of the cash register, and said "10,000 dollars! WE'RE GONNA BE RICH!"

The three of them cheered, and the rest of the team joined in. "Settle down boys, it's almost time to go." The team nodded, and started closing down the restaurant for the day.

* * *

The team woke up, the sun shining in their faces, surprised to hear the Engineer yelling at them. "Guys, guys! Take a look at my chart. According to mah calculations, we're gettin' around 30,000 dollars tomorrow! That's enough to buy a house!" The team stood around, confused or a moment, but took a moment to cheer at their victory.

The Scout interjected, with thoughts of grandeur. "That's enough to go on... **Vacation**!"


	5. Vacation

**_-Author's Note-  
_** _Howdy! I'm back, and with a longer chapter! Along with having a longer chapter, I've tried to add more to that adventure part. Maybe I should change it to drama. Btw, this chapter was kind of rushed. I've also left out most of the restaurant-comedy stuff, because I wanted the focus to be on the drama. Anyways, please let me know what you think of the chapter and leave a review! Thanks, and enjoy!  
_

* * *

Scout hopped out of bed, eager for the day ahead of him. He looked out his window, seeing that the sun had not risen. "Hah, wait until they get up.." Scout said, formulating a prank on his team. Scout ran downstairs and walked into the garage, searching about for duct tape.

"Got it!" The Scout said, grabbing into a red toolbox. "Hey Scout." The Engineer said, spooking Scout and surprising him. The Engineer questioned the Scout,"What are ya doing here, stretch?" The Scout stared silently, holding the duct tape behind his back.

"Nothin'! Just… fixing my window, w-with this duct tape!" The Scout said, stuttering in his speech. "Mhmm… get me if you need help. I'll be makin' breakfast." The Engineer said, watching Scout run out of the garage in a hurry. "That boy's up to no good."

Scout carefully wrapped tape over the Demoman, chuckling over what he was doing. "Ha, classic Scout." he said to himself. Scout carefully walked out of the room, going over to tape over Heavy. He opened Heavy's door, quietly laughing over Heavy keeping his minigun in a bed.

Scout clutched the tape in his hand, attempting to quietly unravel it. _RIP!_ The Scout's sinister facial expression quickly turned to horror as he watched Heavy wake up. "Uh, gotta run!" The Scout said in a high pitched, scratchy voice before his shirt was grabbed by Heavy.

"Little, little man, **YOU** I do **NOT** forget." Heavy said, the anger visible in his voice. Heavy picked up Scout by his collar, walking out of his room and pushing him against the wall. "Raaaaah!" Heavy screamed, launching a fist at Scout's head. "AHHHHH!" Scout screamed, attempting to dodge.

 _BAP! POW!_ Heavy dropped Scout on the ground, looking around seeing everyone looking at him. "Medic..." Scout said, blacking out. Engineer ran upstairs to see what happened, shocked to see Scout injured and everyone standing around him.

"WHAT IN SAM HILL HAPPENED 'ERE?" The Engineer angrily questioned. The whole team nervously turned to look at him, sweating nervously. "Zhe Heavy did it. Does anyone know where Demoman is?" The Spy said. "HELP!" Demoman screamed from his room.

Engineer ran into Demo's room, disappointed with his team. "I've really hit rock bottom..." Demoman said, waiting for the Engineer to cut him out of the bed. The Engineer pulled out a small pair of scissors, cutting him out. "Thanks mate!" Demoman said, thankful that he wasn't stuck anymore.

Engineer stumbled out of the room, shaking his head. "Boys, y'all need to go on vacation. Y'all need to get along, the fighting is superfluous!" the Engineer said, disappointed in them. Well boys, because of your behavior...I need y'all to go relax and get along, or y'all won't be allowed back in my house."

"Anyways… come downstairs if you want some food." The Engineer said, walking downstairs. "Vell, I'll go treat Scout...everyvone, please give me room." Medic said, shooing everyone away and carrying Scout into his room.

The team sat down at the table, quietly staring at their plates of food. "...Heavy is sorry." Heavy said to his team, poking at his food. "Not hungry?" Engineer questioned, getting a "no" back from Heavy. "Alrighty then. I'll be headin' out to the restaurant, y'all figure out how to work together." Engineer said, heading to the door and slamming it shut.

The Sniper stared at the door, suddenly realizing what happened. "MOI VAN!" Sniper said, running to the door and opening it, upset to just see a road of dust. Sniper said, "Crikey...", and found a newspaper on a table near him.

"Blah, blah, blah….'free vacation to anyone who calls'?" Sniper picked up the phone, dialing the numbers as quick as he could. He stood patiently, waiting for them to pick up. "Hello! This is the Vacationer's Company. Have you called about our advertisement in the paper?"

"Holy Dooley! Yes, Oi'm calling about the ad, moi team needs a break!" Sniper responded, excited to actually have gotten a response. "Excellent! Come down to the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport for your prize, a free vacation to Los Angeles, California!"

The Sniper stood still for a moment, thinking about whether it'd be good or not. "Yeah! I'll be there in three hours!" The Sniper said, not thinking about what he was saying. "Fantastic! We'll see you there!" _Beep._ Sniper hung up the phone, excited to bring his team.

Sniper ran into the kitchen, newspaper in hand, telling everyone about the ad. "Guys, we got a free vacation to **California**!" The team stared, realizing that there had to be a catch. "Is there a max for thae amount of people?" Demoman asked, in a surprisingly sober state.

The Sniper, not expecting a max, looked at the newspaper again, seeing that only four people could come. Just as he was looking, Medic and Scout rushed downstairs. "In my medical opinion… ten out of ten!" Medic said, staring at the Scout.

"Thanks doc!" Scout said, walking into the kitchen, confused about why the Sniper was talking about a vacation. "So, what's up guys?" "We've got a free vacation for 4 people, and we don't know who to bring." ,Spy said to Scout.

Spy looked about his team, and knew who to bring. "Medic, Scout, Sniper, and Demoman. Listen up. You gentleman are the ones who need to get along. So you men, will go on the vacation." The team looked at him before coming to a collective nod, waving to them as they exited the house.

They walked out, giddy with excitement, having forgotten that the Engineer had taken the van. "So, taxi?" Scout said, with a collective yes from the group. Scout ran inside, grabbing the phone, and dialing a taxi number from the newspaper, then walking outside to wait for the taxi.

In only a few minutes, a taxi came by and the group was gone.

* * *

The group stepped onto the airplane, pushing people out of the way to get to their seats."Sweet! Engie is gonna be so proud!" Scout said, settling into his seat nearby the window. "Shut up Scout, you'll get us kicked off for noise.." Sniper said, stretching his arms and waiting for the plane to take off.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our ascent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you." the Pilot said, running the plane down the runway and eventually taking off.

The plane took off, soaring into the sky above the trees, the clouds nearing closer and closer. Scout stared out the window, marveling at how beautiful the sky was. "Emergency exit… what does this do?" Scout said, noticing the red handle on his window.

Sniper looked over to Scout, seeing him attempt to open it. "Hey Scout, I think that's a bad i-" Sniper tried saying, before being interrupted by the cold air suddenly rushing past his face. In seconds, the plane was sent into chaos. Air supply dwindled, the plane became cold, and eventually they would crash.

Sniper, panicking, pushed Scout out the window and grabbed Demoman and Medic and pushed them out with him. It was only when they were free falling that Sniper realized the weight of his mistake. " _Ollright, so all I have to do is land in a tr-_ " the Sniper thought, suddenly passing out midair.

* * *

The sound of leaves rustling woke Sniper up, looking around to observe his surrounding and recall what happened. " _Hmm...vacation...plane...CRASH!_ " the Sniper thought, realizing where he was. He held up his right arm, a stick impaled through it, letting out a sigh of relief. He was alive, and hopefully the others were too.

Sniper shifted in the tree, struggling to escape, searching for the trunk. _Snap_! Sniper screamed, falling from the tree and landing on the branch, a loud thud ringing out from the ground. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Sniper screamed, rolling onto his side and grabbing his back.

Despite the fact that he was writhing in pain, he had to find his mates. Sniper stood up, limping and looking about the landscape. "DOC! DEMO! S-scout..." Sniper screamed, stopping when he saw Scout in a pond. Sniper limped over to the pond, grabbing Scout and struggling to pull him out.

Sniper rolled Scout onto his back, punching his stomach to try to make him wake up. Scout sat up, coughing up water and blood, his face covered in mud and dried blood. Scout looked up at Sniper, questioning where he was. "Weren't we on vacation?" Sniper nodded, pulling Scout up on his legs.

"We need to find doc'. We ain't gonna survive here in the outback without 'im." Sniper said to Scout, motioning for him to look for Medic. "Wait, why me? I'm the one who almost died, **I** deserve a break!" Scout said, irritated with Sniper.

"Bloody idiot! Look at me, and look at yourself! Oi'm in no condition to look for 'em!" Sniper angrily shouted at Scout, watching Scout's expression change from irritated to sorry. "Yeah, yeah, I'll find Demo and Medic, sorry…" Scout said, apologizing to Sniper. Sniper stared at Scout, watching him walk away to look for his friends.

" _Stupid Sniper! Just because we all almost died doesn't mean I should have to do everything!_ ' the Scout thought to himself, stopping in his tracks feeling breathing down his neck. Scout slowly turning around, shrieking when he saw the creature.

"What are ye scared of laddie?" Demoman said, chuckling at Scout. "Wha? Me? Scared? Noo, I'm the toughest not-a-crybaby-guy around!" The Scout said in defense of his fragile ego. "Anyways, how are ya unharmed?"

Demoman stared at the Scout for a moment, his face turning dead serious. "Alcohol, lad, alcohol." Demoman pulled out a bottle of scrumpy, passing it to Scout. Scout pushed the bottle away, "No thanks.." Scout said, then asking where the Medic was.

"Me thinks he's dead, lad." Demoman said in response to Scout. "So, you've seen him?" "Whaddae ye think? He landed roight next ta me!" Demoman said to Scout. Scout's eyes glistened, his smile shining brightly.

"Well, take me to 'im!" Scout happily said, following Demoman as he drunkenly walked. Scout and Demo stumbled upon the seemingly lifeless body of Medic in a hole in the ground, Scout shocked that Medic was in a hole, and Demoman unfazed.

Scout, confused, asked Demoman a question."So, can't we just go in and get him out?" Demoman laughed at Scout, knowing that would be difficult. "Lad, this hole is 3 meters deep. A wee boy like you couldn't pull someone out!" Scout mockingly repeated what Demoman said, jumping into the hole and grabbing Medic.

"Alright, now all I have to do is clim-" Scout suddenly realized his mistake, then trying to break the dirt. Demoman laughed at Scout, wheezing and rolling on the ground. "Come on man, he's dyin' here!" Demoman stopped laughing, knowing full well that Medic would die if they couldn't get him out.

Demoman pulled out his stickybomb launcher, throwing two stickies onto the edge of the hole. _Click, boom_! "KABLEWIE!" Dirt went everywhere, a large "stairway" had given way to the hole. As the cloud of dirt passed, Demoman walked down the "stairs" and picked up Medic.

Scout and Demo walked back up, laying Medic down in the dirt. "So uh, where did you get your stickybomb launcher from?" Scout asked, wondering how he even managed to get that piece of luggage. Demoman laughed, amused that he didn't know.

"It was in tha plane! Everythin's there lad!" Scout smiled, urging Demo to lead him to the crash. Demoman laughed, pointing to the burning remains of the plane in the distance. "And I thought I had a bad eye!" Scout punched Demo's arm, running over to the burning wreck.

He looked about the area, noting all the luggage was spread across the land. " _So, we have to look in all of these suitcases for our stuff? Whadda mess..._ " Scout ran from case to case, opening each one quickly and erratically. "Scattergun, clothes, nothin' important...MY SUITCASE!"

Scout, excited, ran over to the next suitcase, pulling out the medigun and the crossbow. "Demo, I got it!" Scout said, running over to Medic and focusing the medigun on him. "Ok so, how does this work..?" Scout said, flipping switches and pulling the lever several times.

After a few tries, a healing beam came out of the gun, fixing Medic's injuries. In a few seconds, Medic woke up, not remembering what had happened. "Vhere am I?" "Well, we were gonna go on a vacation but then the plane crashed and now we're here, soo..." Scout said, trying not to make what he was saying too long.

Medic took a moment to try to remember, realizing Sniper was missing. "Vhere's Sniper? He iz likely very injured!" "Oh, I know where he is! Follow me guys!" Scout said to Medic, waiting for them to pick up their weapons. "Shouldn't we get Sniper's bag? He'd be able to keep a look out for us while we're out here." the Scout said, the group happily agreeing with him.

Scout looked around the cases again, grabbing Sniper's bag when he found it. "Alright, let's go guys." Scout said, walking ahead of his group. Sniper lay on the ground, staring at the clouds crossing the sky. "Sniper!" Sniper turned, happy to see that the group was back together.

Medic pulled out his medigun, flipping the switches and healing Sniper. Sniper got up, taking deep breaths in and out. "Thanks doc." Medic nodded, passing Sniper his suitcase. "How did you get this?" "Zhank zhe Demoman, he saved all of our lives!" Medic said to Sniper, smiling with joy.

Sniper got up on his feet, noting that they needed to hunt to survive and find shelter. "Scout, you come hunt with me, Demo and Medic, make us some shelta." The group agreed to their roles, walking off to do their jobs.

"Ollroight Scout, just look for a rabbit and shoot it, no way you could mess this up." Scout nodded, boasting about how good he was at killing, overestimating his abilities. Sniper pushed Scout away, taking out his Sniper rifle and setting up his camo.

"Demoman, you put zhe stick in zhe wrong place! Dummkopf..." Medic punched the tree nearby, taking his anger out on it. "I did what I could!" the Demoman said, trying his best to do it right. Medic took a deep breath, staring at the temporary shelter they had created.

"Demoman, it's fine. We should see if the others have gotten any food." Medic said to Demo, trying to make him shut up. Scout ran after a rabbit, trying to catch it with no luck. "COME BACK HERE YA LITTLE BASTARD!" Scout ran into a cactus, cursing over failing at what he was "good" at.

Sniper looked over to Scout, chuckling at how bad he was at doing anything. "Holy dooley! You couldn't catch a snail if your loife depended on it!" "Go to hell, Sniper." Scout said, upset that he was right. "Let me show you how a real man hunts." Sniper said, pulling out his SMG.

Sniper ran around mimicking animal noises, shooting anything that came by with a deadly accuracy. Sniper grabbed his hunts, laughing in Scout's face. "And that's how the huntsman does it." Scout, irritated, grabbed the hunts out of Sniper's hand, mocking him for being good at hunting.

"Ohh, I'm Sniper, I shoot things from really far away!" "Twitchy hooligan!" Sniper said, grabbing his Sniper rifle and heading back to the group. "Okay Demoman, please put down zhe sticky-" _Click, boom_! Dirt spewed everywhere, staining the faces of everyone nearby.

"You are tiring my patience!" Medic screamed, pulling at his hairs. "Mates, chill out! Me and Scout got some food, now wot happened here?" Sniper said, confused as to why everything was destroyed. "This schweinhund keeps ruining everyzhing!" Medic said, disappointed with Demoman's stupidity.

Sniper looked at the wreckage, letting out a deep sigh before sitting down. "We're gonna die..."

* * *

The group walked across the desert-like landscape, singing small songs to boost morale. Demoman stumbled across the rough terrain, carrying the exhausted Scout on his back. "Are we there yet?" Scout said, annoying everyone in the group.

"NO!" The group shouted in unison, leaving Scout bored and upset. As the group continued to trek, the Sniper spotted a silhouette in the distance. "Oi, mates! There's a buildin' over there!" The team's faces brightened, happily running towards the unknown building.

The building appeared to be a large wooden shack, rundown from not being taken care of. Scout hopped off of Demoman's back, walking up to the door and waling inside. Scout looked about in amazement,, as the shack was actually surprisingly clean.

Scout motioned for his group to come inside, all of which also shocked over how clean it was. "Well guys, let's get settled!" Scout said, hopping on a mattress he spotted in the corner. "Something iz off about zhis place...I'm staying up.." Medic said, sitting on a chair near a desk.

"Oi'm gonna have to go with the doc, Scout." Sniper said, pulling out his SMG in case anything dangerous was nearby. "Whatevah, I'm gonna sleep..." Scout said, easily getting rested on the mattress.

As the night passed, Sniper and Medic became tired of being on the lookout, almost choosing to sleep until they heard creaking. Sniper held up his SMG, walking towards the source of the noise, ready to fight. "GAAH!" Sniper screamed, attempting to fight off whatever attacked him. The creature scratched and clawed his face, scarring him for days.

"HELP!" the Sniper yelled, his heart pumping with adrenaline. "Sniper!" Medic yelled, pulling out his crossbow and shooting at the creature. Scout woke up, staring at the scene that was unfolding in front of him. Scout, thinking quickly, grabbed his scattergun, shooting at the creature.

In only a few seconds, the creature had died, the dark silhouette turning into smoke. Sniper panted, rubbing the blood from his face away. Sniper, terrified, knew what had to be done. "Guys, we need to get out of here."


	6. The Escape

_**-Author's Note-**  
Howdy there, it is I, back from the dead. I never intended to take such a long break from publishing. Sorry to disappoint that one fan. Anyways, here's the 6th one. This one was going to be longer, but it would've been better split into two chapters. Please do leave a review if you find this, it's always helpful. Anyways, enjoy._

* * *

The Sniper quickly fiddled with the doorknob, attempting to open the door. "Gaah, it's bloody locked!" Scout ran from every window in the room, trying to open them frantically. "C'mon, c'mon!" Everybody was now freaking out, trapped in an old cabin that was clearly a trap. "HALT DIE KLAPPEN!" The Medic screeched at his teammates, waking the Demo up and stopping the others.

"Ve just need to zhink, we can't just run around screaming our heads off!" Medic said sternly. "Aye, chill laddie. I've got an idea." The team looked at Demo concernedly, but let him explain. "You lads listening?" "Yeah, just say it, quickly!" Scout interjected. "Good ta see yae want to see me plan!" Demo said, grabbing the Scout as though he was a battering ram. "What're you doin'? Let go of me!" "Protect yer head!"

"AAAAHHH!" The Demo rammed Scout into the door, to which the weak door easily went down. "See? Piece o' cake!" Demo dropped the dazed Scout onto the ground, cheering at his personal victory. "Bloody hell, you alright mate?" Sniper said, examining Scouts head. "Dummkopfs…" Medic muttered under his breath after grabbing his medigun to focus on the wound.

"Oh no...zhis is not good..." Medic's medigun suddenly stopped dispensing the healing beam leaving Scout's head still in an injured condition. Medic pulled off the medigun backpack, checking, and realizing it had run out of fuel. "Vell, it's not like zhings can get worse." Not even a second after saying that, a dark black and green cloud of smoke appeared in front of them.

"IT IS I, THE GREAT MERASMUS!" a voice said, as the smoke cleared and a silhouette showed. It was a tall lanky man wearing a dark robe, wearing a strange skull on his head, and carrying a large staff. "Ah piss, you just had to say that, didn't ye?" Sniper said looking at the Medic with disappointment in his eyes.

"Merasmus? I zhought you only appeared during halloween to collect souls or szomething stupid like that." "Well, I usually do, but I couldn't miss the opportunity to get revenge on the Soldier!" Merasmus quickly looked around the landscape for the insane American, but to no avail.

Sniper lifted his sniper rifle, and aimed straight at the wizard. "Help us get back home or wave goodbye to your head." Although the Demoman wasn't that concerned, he picked up Scout and lifted him onto his shoulders, grabbing the grenade launcher he had mounted on his back. Medic, surprisingly, grabbed his crossbow and pointed it at Merasmus.

Merasmus stood quietly, before suddenly launching a beam of light at the mercs. "RUN!" Demo yelled, dodging the beam and tossing Scout out of the way before launching a few grenades at him. The mercs all scrambled to find good places to attack from, since it seemed every time Merasmus showed up, he took forever to die.

Sniper dove into the cover of the cabin, aiming his rifle out of the door. Medic rushed to grab Scout and heal him with his crossbow Grabbing Scout, he hoped he could come up with a new solution for his medigun. Demoman ran around Merasmus, dodging his attacks and attacking him as much as he could.

Demoman reached into his ammo reserve, finding he had no more ammo. Thinking quickly, Demo threw his grenade launcher at Merasmus, distracting him for a moment. "SHOOT 'IM WHILE YE CAN!" Demo yelled while running to shelter in the cabin. Medic had ran in too, but he had an idea. "Demo, do you have any beer?" "Yeah, whaddya need it for?" "No time to talk, just pass it over!"

Medic grabbed the beer out of Demo's hands, tossing it into his backpack and mixxing in water and a bit of blood. "He's comin' over, I hope you 'ave some sort of plan!" Sniper yelled, struggling to shake off his magic attacks. "Don't vorry, zhis vill work!" Medic shaked his backpack around, mixing the fluids together, until they formed the healing gel. Medic tossed the backpack back on and focused the healing beam at Scout.

Merasmus lifted the roof of the cabin, prepared to take them out once and for all. "ANY LAST WORDS, MORTALS?" "Ja! Eat scheiße, dummkopf!" _Click!_ Just then, the Medic activated the übercharge he had kept from using until he needed it again. The sudden rush of energy from übercharge woke the Scout up, only taking a moment to note what was happening and grabbed his scattergun.

Merasmus attempted to attack the two, but they were invincible. Scout only had to shoot a few times before Merasmus went down, disappearing into a cloud of black and green smoke. "Did you guys even see what I just did 'ere?" Scout said, praising himself for his quick work. "Aye, I did most of et, you just finished em off!" Demo said disappointed with no praise.

"Doesn't matter, what really matters is that we get the hell outta this place." Sniper said, to which everyone else seemed to shake their heads in agreement. Before they left the battered cabin, Medic had to say something about what just happened. "Demoman.""Yeah?" "Don't do **ANYZHING**. You're zhe reason we keep on getting into trouble!" Demoman seemed insulted for a moment, but after a swig from a spare bottle he had, he didn't mind. The team set out East, using a compass that Sniper had found in the cabin, the Demoman grabbing his grenade launcher before setting out.

* * *

Back in Arlington, the Engineer had more plans for the restaurant, and wasn't too concerned that his teammates hadn't called the home phone by then. They were probably too busy partying anyways. "Pyro!" Engie called, waiting for his friend to come around. "Wmmph mmmph mmphh?" Pyro said, standing up at a table he was at.

They had just closed up the restaurant for the evening, and Engie wanted to make the restaurant less bland and generic. "I had this idea, what if we sold mini sentries to people? No larger than 8x8 centimeters, and of course, non-functional." Pyro simply stared at Engineer, and told him what he would really need.

"Mmmph mmph uhmph smmph mmph mmmphh!" Engineer thought about it for a moment but ultimately agreed. "What star though? I can only remember Merle Haggard… got anyone?" Pyro didn't think for long. Ultimately, the best people would be people known locally, which would bring in any town native who would bring people from out of town and it would spread like a virus.

Engie was a bit ashamed he hadn't thought of it himself, but he didn't mind. He had some important people to convince, and he knew just the person he could get. Spah. Spy was already at the restaurant, but had been smoking outside. Engineer opened the door, breathing in the rough smoke. "Yuck! Put that out, boy!" Engineer growled at Spy."Ah, fine." Spy put out his cigarette on Engie's overalls, and went back to his newspaper.

"Hmmph. Disrespectful, but I have a job to ask of you." "Yes?" the Spy looked up from his newspaper, now interested in what he would be doing. "Now that I have your attention, I need to get some important people here to advertise our product, and I figured if anybody would know how to convince people, it'd be you."

Spy sighed folding his newspaper up. "What would I get out of this?" Engineer smiled. "How about a 15% increase in your paycheck, 'ere?" Spy rolled his eyes, and reluctantly said yes. "Thanks Spah, you're saving me a lotta time!" "Oui, oui, I know, I'll be on my way as soon as I can." Spy said sarcastically.

* * *

The Medic, Demo, Sniper, and Scout had been trudging through the desert for hours, with only the mediguns limited healing keeping them going. "Oi, a small town!" Sniper said enthusiastically, running ahead of his team. "Wait up! I really have ta use tha bathroom!" Scout said, running after Sniper.

"I suppose you'll stick to m-" Medic said to Demo, suddenly realizing he had disappeared off to somewhere. "Scheiße. Doesn't matter, zhey probably have a phone booth somevhere around here." Medic wandered into the town, taking no note to the people staring at him in his raggedy clothes.

"Demo, you will not believe how AWESOME their bathroom is here!" Scout said to the Demoman, who was buying whiskey off of the bar. "Wha? I dinnae care! Thees es the good stuff!" Demo said, pointing at 3 bottles of whiskey. "Eh, whatevah. I'm gonna go find the othas, maybe we could get a good hotel around 'ere!" Scout said, walking out of the shop to go and find the rest of his team.

Sniper walked from shop to shop, far too interested in items that shouldn't even be there. "Where would you even go fishing in this place?" Sniper questioned. "It's not about where, it's about when. When will you go fishing? What is th-" "Oi, shut up. I don't have time for wankers who can't direct me to the nearest gun shop."

"Oh, that? Why didn't you just ask? It's up the street and to the left! There's even a hotel if you plan on staying!" The clerk said. Sniper sighed, and walked out of the shop. The people here were even stupider than the people of Teufort. AS Sniper walked down the street to the shop, he was startled by a familiar voice. "HEY SNIPER!" Scout yelled from right behind him. Quickly, he drew his shahanshah on him.

"Woah, woah, it's just me!" "Baah. How do you always choose the most inconvenient time for things like that?" Sniper asked. "Guess I'm just unlucky, heh. Anyways, there's a hotel 'round the corner, and I thought we could all get together and sleep the night there!" "I know. I was going to a gun shop. Seems people here aren't the only stupid ones."

Scout stopped dead in his tracks, trying to figure out what that meant. "Hey! Come back here! At least I'm not some stupid bushman like you!" Scout barked as Sniper rounded the corner, already out of sight and gone.

Medic dialed the number for their house, hoping someone would pick up, for the third time. "Gah, please.." "Hello! This is Jane Doe of RED house! How may I help you?" There was nobody worse to pick up the phone than the Soldier, but he had to. "Soldier, it'z me. Ve're st-" "Hi Medic! Are you enjoying vacation? I heard California is very nice! I would know! I've been there."

"Soldier, please shut up. Ve need you to come to, err..." Medic glanced out of the phone booth, looking for a sign. "New Mexico, New Mexico." "Hmmph, nothing American about that other than New Mexico. Why do you need us to come for you anyways? You're on vacation!" Medic furled his brows in annoyance. "I was just about to tell you! Ve are stuck here, Plane crashed and we had to valk for hours to get over here! I don't vant to have an argument vith you over how American this place is. Just get us."

There was no sound over either side of the phone for a few moments, until Soldier spoke up. "We'll get you. Nobody gets left behind!" "Zhanks Soldier. Guten abend." Medic hung up the phone, and left to find the others. They'd probably be at a hotel. Now, he can only wait, to see if they'll pursue them in the small town.

* * *

It was now officially closing time, and Engineer had finished counting up the money. 21,874 dollars, boys. This job pays better than our old mercenary job! The only one to cheer was Pyro, considering Spy was waiting outside. "Of course, it's less when split up among us but still, big step forward." Engineer took Pyro outside, turned off the lights and locked the door.

"Took you enough time. I went zhrough 4 cigarettes waiting for you." Spy said to the Engineer. "Sorry to keep you waiting, this past week has been hella fun, and profitable!" "I can see what you mean. I have a feeling that idiotic patriot has done something stupid. It would be best to return right now." Spy said hurriedly. "Yeah, yeah." Engineer plucked the keys out of his pocket and hopped into the van.

Spy and Pyro quickly buckled themselves in as Engineer turned on the radio and tuned it to country tunes. They quickly sped out and onto the dirt path to Engie's house.

Soldier was waiting impatiently in the house, playing with old toys he had found in the attic and pretending they were fighting. _Ka-chink!_ The door opened, and with it came the 3 REDs. "Hello Engie! I got an important phone call from the Medic today!" Soldier said excitedly. "Oh, what did he say? Is everything going good over there?" "No! Their plane crashed, and they landed in the desert. No worries though, they made it to a town today!"

The Engineer hurriedly grabbed a map and started pacing about. "What state is he in? And what city?" "He is in New Mexico, New Mexico!" Engineer quickly located it on his map realizing he'd have a long ways to drive to get there. "A nine hour drive. No doubt this is worth it, but I still need those important people." "You should be more focused on your team instead of your business." Spy said with a disappointed voice.

"I know I know, I'm just worried that if we're not there to help it grow it'll die, and we'll have lost our livelihood, and a dream." "Don't worry about that. We need to get our friends back as soon as possible, though, so please do set off for them. Don't worry, we can catch a taxi to the restaurant tomorrow."

"Thanks Spy." As quickly as he came in, he left, leaving the house keys on the table in the kitchen. "What happen?" said the Heavy, who had been in a different room during the conversation. "Nothing much. The Engineer is leaving town to get our friends back from New Mexico, because they crashed from zhe plane."

"You'll have to tell me about it later, sound interesting." "I will, I will, but there's a job I need to do tomorrow, and I thought you might like it." Heavy glanced with curiosity at Spy. "Go on.." "It's **good business**. I'm sure you'll like it."


End file.
